A Busy Life

I'm a teacher, and it's a good job.

But it can be such a disappointing job too.

Outside of teaching, I often have friends & family members who wonder aloud how I do it. How do I do so many different things? Teach high school, be a friend, serve on a couple of different committees.

And sometimes, if they don't know me too well, these are the same people who conclude that I must be able to do it because teaching is so easy, with the summer break and other school vacations. Plus, teachers get paid well and have great pension plans, so they can retire early. Didn't you hear?

It's the same job that makes me feel completely inadequate and a total failure too. I find myself constantly making excuses for things that I haven't accomplished. I'm hard on myself for not planning two 75-minute lessons and marking a set of essays, along with vacuuming and cooking a healthy dinner for myself, while also making time to visit a friend I haven't seen awhile and getting to bed at the reasonable hour of at least 10 pm. In one evening. If I have a committee meeting to attend I just limit myself to expecting a healthy dinner, the meeting, 2 lessons and some marking.

These are my expectations of myself.

And then I get overwhelmed because of all the things I expect myself to do, that I can't function well. It would be better to expect less, feel less overwhelmed, and get more accomplished.

And so I realise how ridiculous my expectations of myself are. How unrealistic. I can either a) have a clean house or b) get ahead of lesson planning while keeping up with marking or c) get enough sleep or d) actually have quality time to spend with my God.

So I never feel like I've slept enough, always feel behind on marking, and feel accomplished when I wash up the few dishes...biweekly.

And God tells us that that last one is more important than any other one.
When my life is not right with God, my earthly work cannot take priority. And I certainly can't let people make me feel inadequate for that.

Okay. Blog post done. I have a lesson to plan, a shower to take, a lunch to make, devotions too. And bed. Bed by 11? Oh I hope so.

Expectations. Grr.